Rockin' It

Reason #gajillion Why My Boss Rocks the Party

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 22:30:19 GMT

Josh: I told her she ought to go have a cerveza at the green door and then visit the ceviche stand, both in Algodones.

My boss replies, "It is no fun all by yourself......but, I guess I make friends easily. Salud"

Don't Go Gentle Into That Good Night

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 22:05:40 GMT

My great-aunt is in the hospital. I know most of you probably don't even know your great-aunt, so you might not understand.

My great-aunt is so awesome. She is funny and sarcastic. She really loves and cares about the family. She's small and feisty. And she's old now...

I've been to a lot of funerals and I've had a lot of family members die. In one year, I went to 6 funerals. I've had uncles, great grandparents, family friends, and my Nana and Tata die.

I'm not ready for my Aunt Helen to go. Her husband died a few years ago. He was just like her. He was one of my favorites. When he was dying of Leukemia and was in the hospital we went to visit him. Have you ever seen someone dying? For me, it was horrible. Here was my uncle, whom I loved so much, and I couldn't go near him because I was so afraid. He was just skin and bones... I regret not telling him goodbye and that I love him.

I hope my Aunt Helen will be ok. I hope she gets to go home from the hospital and be where she belongs. If she isn't ok... I hope I have the strength to tell her I love her and that I'll miss her... and to have her tell Uncle Bobby I love him and miss him too.

But she's here now. I can't give up on her if I don't want her to give up. Please think of her.

Holy Crap!

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 19:32:59 GMT

I haven't updated since April!??? WTF? That's half a year. How come you people didn't insist that I update?

So... I don't even know where to begin.

Raymond and I moved into the apartments mentioned in my last post. The place is amazing. I love it so very much. It is absolutely perfect... Raymond and I have worked VERY hard to overcome our pack-rat genes and I think we've been very successful. There are only a couple of places where things are out of control a little (think closet, but not because of me!)

We also are the proud parents of two beautiful kitties, both about 6 months old now. Our first one was a stray kitten that I managed to capture right after we moved in. He is so gorgeous. His name is Licorice and he is pure white with big green/yellow eyes. He is the best cat ever. He even plays fetch! Our other kitty we just got 2 weeks ago. She's a Bengal kitty and her name is Tiki. She is so soft and playful! She's still taking her time getting used to the apartment, but she is the cutest thing ever!!

Next Friday I leave for Peru for 10 days. I wish it was longer... Much longer, but alas, I have a job. A job, mind you, that is awesome enough to pay me while I'm gone. I don't have much to complain about there. Keren and I are going together. Our first few days will be spent in Puno where the altitude is ridiculous. Lake Titicaca is there, so hopefully I'll get to see the floating islands!! Then from there we go to Cusco to hike Machu Picchu. This is the 4 day trek... Which we are totally prepared for, thanks to Keren's diligence about having us hike.

I still haven't applied for law school. I did get an application fee waiver from the University of Pennsylvania, though. So if a waiver from the #7 school in the nation isn't motivation, I don't know what is... Though sadly enough, I think they probably sent it out so that they could boost their application numbers, so they can seem more exclusive. Either that, or they're desperate for hispanic females. I think it's the former.

I really should just buckle down and write the goddamn personal statement. I mean really, that's the only thing holding me back. I can't write about myself for 2 pages! I don't know what to say. I've got to figure it out, or I'll never go. It's October already! My chances dwindle by the day, practically.

After working at Chase, I am really interested in an MBA. I figure I might go after both while in law school... but then I'll have to take another test. Ew. Maybe I'll wait until I'm done with Law School... I don't know. Good thing I'm not in a rush...

Well, now that I'm depressed about the law school thing, I should probably get back to work! I'll try and post pictures of Peru when I get back... If we ever get my camera set up on Raymond's computer... Hope you're all doing well!!

Thu, 13 Apr 2006 19:14:03 GMT

Time for an update!

Last weekend I took the Foreign Service Written Exam... which sets me on the path to joining the Foreign Service. It's a segment of the State Department and, in a nutshell, is the diplomatic arm. Think embassies, Visas, passports, foreign policy, etc....

Anyway, I'm super pumped about it... I find out if I pass at the end of July and if I do, the next round is an oral examination, which I've heard is BRUTAL. I look forward to the challenge. If you're interested in knowing more, drop me a line or check out www.state.gov

In other news, I put down a holding deposit for an apartment for Raymond and I. It's on 16th St and Osborn and is a total steal. We're super excited about it. You guys will have to come check it out once we're all moved in! And for those of you who are not in Phoenix, you'll have a place to stay!

So, onto a totally random topic....

I was just reading an article in the NYTimes about nicknames and how people are getting their nicknames from their e-mail addresses, screennames, blah blah blah... I realized that for once in my life, I really don't have a nickname...

My childhood was FILLED with nicknames like GG, Monkey, Jen, Jenny, Net, Netter, Janetter... Highschool brought about Turbo, Twink, Lorna, and many others... College was limited to a few like Monkey, La Salsa, Janetchi...

Now, I've got nothin'. There really isn't anyone that calls me by a nickname on a regular basis anymore... This is TOTALLY WEIRD for me! Sure, I didn't realize it until just a few minutes ago, but now that I know, I'm like, "Woah." I guess maybe it's just another step into the life of adulthood. The only person I call by a nickname now is Raymond... seems like all my friends have grown out of it too... or maybe they were never that type of person in the first place. Where did all the nicknames go??

I kinda miss 'em.

I'm scurrred.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 08:46:22 GMT

Holy crap...

I saw almost all of The Hills Have Eyes and was so disturbed that we had to leave the theater. That movie is AWFUL, DO NOT SEE IT.

So, it creeped me the fuck out.

I get home. There's no one here... the light for the front door isn't on. CREEPY.

Someone calls our house after midnight and it sounds all fuzzy and staticky. CREEPY.

Then I hear what I think are gun shots, like 7 of them. FUCKING SCARED.

At least my brother is at home now... except he's in his room with a lady... so... I hope I fall asleep fast and am not disturbed by wall noises.

Tomorrow morning I have work. I hope the cops don't show up at my house and wake me up. I called 911 when I heard the gun shots. Also, I got a message that said, "all of our operators are currently busy, if this is an emergency..." WTF! I hope I'm never in a real emergency.

Time for bed... Tomorrow is going to be a long day.

Thu, 23 Mar 2006 17:09:04 GMT

Raymond is gone at Grace's Aztectown.

I feel so lonely!! I know when Grace reads this, she'll think I could have been there and spared my suffering. Unfortunately this was not the case because my boss is on vacation, which leaves me to hold down the fort.

The weird part is, I knew I'd miss Raymond, but I just didn't think it'd feel like this. I graduated nearly a year ago and since that time I don't think we've been apart for longer than one day. Ok, maybe 3, I can't remember... Regardless, that's a long time spent together! I mean, we practically live together at my parents house.

When I got home yesterday and I saw his car parked in front of my house, I got so excited. I couldn't wait to walk in the door and see him look up from his laptop with the biggest "I love you" smile on his face. I was rudely interrupted from that thought by my brain... which conveniently reminded me that Raymond wouldn't be there. Tears instantly welled up in my eyes. I had to sit in my car for a few minutes to let the feeling pass.

I spend a lot of time on Livejournal talking about how wonderfully gross Raymond and I are... because, well, we are. But we have our problems too. Those ugly times that we look back on and think, I can't believe we got upset about that... it was so stupid. Luckily, it generally only takes us about an hour or two to realize this. This is one thing I am thankful for... I don't need that drama that a lot of couples have where they don't speak to each other for almost a day. After we both simmer down, we look at each other, smile, give each other a big hug and apologize. Sometimes that smile seems like the hardest part to get to... But we get there every time.

Wow, see! Look, I was trying to tell you guys how Raymond and I have our issues and how we're SO not perfect... and then BLAMMO, I'm gross again.

You've just gotta trust me... we have disagreements over plenty of things... we have miscommunications all the time... We've just worked really hard at resolving our issues. Don't think that comes naturally, because it doesn't. It takes work. Good communication takes LOTS of work. Sometimes things don't always work out the way we want them to, but it doesn't matter because we're not out to win.

So... anyway. A part of me feels lost without Raymond here. I feel kinda like I'm walking around in a daze... I'm at the point that I could break into tears at any moment. (You want cheesy??? Here you go...) It's almost like I'm a puzzle that is falling apart because I'm missing a piece. Raymond's my matching puzzle piece...

Anyway, I've rambled long enough... I just had to tell someone how I was feeling since Raymond isn't around to tell...

When you get knocked down, stand back up

Fri, 27 Jan 2006 23:20:49 GMT

So, today my Anytown application went out in the mail. This time I've applied as an advisor instead of a counselor. I think it's probably the position I was made for anyway, since I don't like to be the center of attention. Also, graduating from college and working full-time probably makes me too old to be a counselor...

Wish me luck, you guys!

And good luck to you!

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 20:23:59 GMT

So I figured I owe you an update.

My second... and third interviews with Ameriprise were awesome. Let's just say that when I was done with them, they knew they couldn't live without me as a part of their business.

Thing is, the day after my 2nd interview with Ameriprise, I had an interview with JP Morgan/Chase for a loan officer assistant position. The position is in their Emerging Markets department... Their focus is doing loans for people under-represented in the housing market. Specifically racial minorities and gay and lesbian couples. This department goes out of their way to help these people... which a lot of other banks won't even deal with because they are complicated (credit issues, no down payments, title issues, etc.).

Needless to say, Chase captured my heart. It's like civil rights in the mortgage industry! Be still my beating heart.

So, Ameriprise offered me a job... and I hadn't heard back from Chase yet (I had a 2nd interview in Spanish with Chase the same day as my job offer from Ameriprise.) So, I said yes to Ameriprise, but told them I'd call them the next morning with a definitive answer (apparently a no-no in the business, but I somehow got away with it.) Raymond and I laid in bed and talked about it...

We finally came to the decision that while working as a financial advisor would be awesome, it wouldn't really be worth giving up law school for... (the expenses of tests for advising and school applications both were way too much... it had to be one or the other.)

I "officially" received my offer from Chase in the mail today. Needless to say, I've accepted. Because in addition to helping minorities, I will be using my Spanish AND getting paid a lot to do it.

So, I'll probably take 2 years off from school instead of one... to work and save some money. I'll probably end up moving in with Raymond pretty early next year... but don't tell him that. And Raymond, just pretend you didn't read that. :-*

On that note, Raymond's family (minus his sister) came over to my house for Thanksgiving with my family. It was good times. Food... Pictionary... and desserts. It was the first time our families met, so there was a lot of anticipation, but it went well. No arguments or embarassing episodes on either side. Praise Jesus we have families that love us.

Anyway, I start my new job sometime in the middle of December... hopefully earlier if I can get the drug testing and finger-printing done sooner. Here's to hopefully having money for the holidays!

Grace,
I've only been to Counter Culture during the day. I've heard it's pretty cool at night, but I've only heard about nights with DJs, not with Poetry Slams. Have you been to the poetry slams at Essenza in Mesa?

Decisions, decisions...

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 20:22:01 GMT

So last week I had a ton of interviews. I had one at Ameriprise, the financial advisors for American Express.

That job is the one tempting me. Thing is, it's a career path. Being a financial advisor is something I would do at least for the next 10 years of my life. I'd be getting certifications, blah blah blah...

It's also tempting to me because they're all about the client. They don't have quotas for their advisors. Which makes total sense. Who would want their financial advisor to have quotas to fill? Wouldn't that mean that at some point the advisor would be recommending that wasn't in the complete best interest of the client?

I decided not to think about this job anymore until I heard back from them after taking my initial test, which I took on Friday. Let's just say I botched the SHIT out of that test. I haven't taken a math course in around 5 years... and the last time I took a math class that wasn't calculus was like... 7 years ago (holy shit, I'm old.) So anyway, after screwing that up, I decide not to think about it. No reason to get my panties in a bunch over something that may not happen.

So they called back today. And apparently I did amazing. Not *amazing* "how do you exist in this world you did so badly," but GOOD *amazing*. I have a second interview tomorrow morning.

So, law school or financial advising?

Please keep in mind (as I am) that this is just a second interview... and I may decide I don't like it. But if I end up making it "all the way" it's between financial advising and law school. We must also keep in mind that law school is expensive and I am poor. Lawyers aren't the only people who help people, financial advisors do too! AND if in the future I decide that law school is finally right for me, it'll never be too late.

Wish me luck and strength!

Whistle While You Work

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 21:19:42 GMT

So, this week my loan officer told me that I should start looking for a new job because things are really slow at our office. Except I don't really need to because the owner would keep me on without a second thought. But I decided to look anyway.

So on Monday I posted my résumé on Monster.com and started looking at job postings. I became SO discouraged because nothing seemed to fit. But yesterday morning I received 2 phone calls from potential employers, got to work and had 4 e-mails, received 3 more calls throughout the day and had a total of about 10 e-mails at the end of the day. Every day this week I have an interview, the first one was today. I have interviews through Monday.

I never thought job hunting would be SUCH an EGO BOOST. Sure, some of the opportunities don't pay as much as this job, but I'm a hott commodity, ladies and gents! All these people contacted me!

So I think the opportunities I like best are the interviews for tomorrow and Monday. The one tomorrow is for a company that provides financial advisors for American Express. That would be a pretty cool gig. The interview on Monday is for a recruiting agency. I'd be a head hunter! It's funny because I think she contacted me for a position with another company, but decided to keep me for her own!

The nicest part about all of this is that if I don't like the job, if it isn't better than the one I have now, I don't have to say yes. I'm not desperate. It's so nice to know that I don't have to take a pay-cut or a job that isn't exactly what I want.

As much as I bitch about the people here, I get paid very well, am treated as an intelligent person, and get the flexibility of working when I want... which means that I can take short trips if I want to without pissing anyone off. Can't do that in a corporate job.

So, we'll see what happens.

On that note, I need some advice. Send me an e-mail so I can ask you my question.

Office Space

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 20:44:03 GMT

The men in my office just had a discussion about how ALL women are whores (I don't think some of them get laid often) and how they will never get married.

All of this while I am in the room.

How do they justify all this shit talking with me in the room?

"Janette, I just consider you one of the guys." "Janette just doesn't care."

No, bitches, you're just ignorant and bitter, no use wasting my energy.

What is the common denominator of all your problems? You.

Here's a little comment to each of you:

A- You're an ignorant red-neck dick. Every word I've heard out of your mouth since you've come to our office has been absolute shit. But I've got to hand it to you, you bash everyone. Including your family. In fact, I think the smartest thing you've said since you've been here is that you aren't going to have kids because of your genetics. THANK YOU, in advance, because let's face it, neither of us want more of you running around.

B, M, and G- I like you guys most of the time, but I think it's because you're mom's would kick your ass if they ever heard you talk about women the way our officemates do. But that still doesn't excuse your validation of the things that come out of everyone else's mouths.

C- Not sure what I think of you. You're too new. At least you respect the person your dating enough to not call her names when you answer her calls... even if things are rough. But you still said that all women are whores. Not very nice.

J1- I think you're a great father, but as a man you're just as disgusting as the rest. Kudos.

L- You're such a smart man, but the military has definitely brainwashed you. You're just as bitter as everyone else. And as insulting. Be nice behind womens' backs... karma baby, karma.

J2- You're just a dick, plain and simple. I hope you recognize that you shouldn't have children. But it doesn't matter because your ego is too big to believe anything except that you are the most wonderful and beautiful and that those genes need to be spread. I'll be sure to keep my children far away from yours.

So, that's it. Mostly.

Being in this office every day surrounded by men reminds me why I'm so lucky to have Raymond. He knows EXACTLY what to say and do when I'm sad. He gives the most perfect hugs. And I know that with us love isn't some delusion or just lust like so many people claim love is. I know that if we make the choice to get married it won't be a mistake. That we'll rock the parenting world together. That our children will be beautiful chino banditos, who are smart, loving, caring, sensitive, strong, and confident. And if we don't get married, it's because we're smart enough to recognize that somethings just aren't meant to happen, even if we want them to.

Thank God I get to leave these jerks at work. They're still talking about how disgusting women are...

Well, boys, I carry all the men in my life on my back, so don't talk about how women are worthless. Without women, men would be nothing! And vice-versa. We need each other. Just quit being bitter already.

You're lucky I keep my mouth shut...

(I have so many more mean things to say!! But I'm done now.)

(Also, read this NYTimes article about the modern woman, it's SO GOOD: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/30/magazine/30feminism.html?emc=eta1)

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 22:30:12 GMT

The homeless people that hang out on the corners in the area I work ROCK.

No, seriously.

Yesterday on the corner near the off ramp, this homeless guy was sitting on the ground holding a sign. He was smiling and making his sign dance. Now, I thought this was a little odd because a patrol car was stopped at the light RIGHT NEXT TO HIM and normally the homeless people hide their signs so they don't get in trouble. But like I said, this guy was smiling SO big and making his sign dance... when I finally got closer, I saw that it said, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" in black and orange.

You know what, if this guy can be so happy, why can't the rest of us? I wish I had my camera so I could have taken a picture... but most of all, I wished I had pulled over and walked back to give him some money. He deserved it after starting my day off so great.

So today on my way back home from lunch I see this piece of cardboard attached to a sign near the stop light. It said something to the effect of, "To whoever gave me the really LOUD walkman and new ear phones, THANK YOU!"

So thankful! For a walkman! Something that the rest of us see as obsolete and useless, this person was SO thankful for!

I think that I hear so much about how these people have no one to blame but themselves... that there are shelters out there for them... that I don't feel bad anymore. But you know what, I don't have to feel bad in order to help. In some cases, it's true... they don't want to go to shelters because they have to follow the rules, but that's not everyone. And you certainly can't tell who truly appreciates your assistance and those who don't simply by looking at them. So I think that next time I'm in the position to give a little, I will. I'm bound to help someone thankful eventually!

Favorite Compliment

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 19:40:58 GMT

The winner goes to Randy Real, who last week said the nicest thing to me!
He called me from work:

R: Janette, I'm at work and I just saw what you'll look like in 30 years!
Me (thinking he saw it on a computer??): What do you mean?
R: This woman just came in and looks exactly like how you'll look in 30 years! She was... wow. Just tell Raymond he sure knows how to pick 'em.
Me: Haha, I will. Thanks, Randy!
R: Make sure you tell him! I have to go back to work...

Wiiiiiiinner! Ding ding ding!

Pictures!

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 19:24:48 GMT

I have halloween pictures posted on MySpace! www.myspace.com/fracasabella

Check them out!

Poor Animals...

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:17:06 GMT

Poor Animals..., originally uploaded by ministarlet.

I'll Wash

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:16:39 GMT

I'll Wash, originally uploaded by ministarlet.

Hey baby! Will you wash my car??

Ariel's Grotto Lights

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:15:36 GMT

Ariel's Grotto Lights, originally uploaded by ministarlet.

This is where we ate dinner one night to celebrate! Thought it turned out well!

Boardwalk Love

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:14:59 GMT

Boardwalk Love, originally uploaded by ministarlet.

Bellagio Entrance

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 02:14:20 GMT

Bellagio Entrance, originally uploaded by ministarlet.

Just thought this picture from Vegas was cool!

Here's your update!

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 23:08:34 GMT

As per Kathy's request, I'm updating.

Let's see... the weekend after the LSAT I went to Disneyland with Raymond, my brother, and my friend, Justy. It was awesome and SO SO much fun. I took a shitload of pictures and finally just uploaded them onto my brother's computer. I'll post them to a website and put the link in here soon. But in the meantime, if you've never heard of Club 33 in Disneyland check out www.disneylandclub33.com I've made it one of my life goals to go there.

Last weekend I went to Vegas with Raymond and his sister. We stayed at the Aladdin and had a great time. We mostly spent our time shopping, but there were some visits from our favorite Vegas friends, Al Cohol and Gamb Ling. I got some great stuff while shopping, let me tell you! All for great deals! Jackets, tops, jewelry... I tried on some Jimmy Choo shoes and almost bought them... they are LUXURIOUS! I can't wait to own a pair. Seriously, 4 1/2 inches felt like 2!

So here I am now... I got my LSAT scores on Monday. I am very pleased with my score. It's very near what I considered a dream score for myself. No complaints here. As a result of having my scores, I've decided what schools to apply to... And the winners AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRREEEEE:

American University in D.C.
Arizona State University or University of Arizona
George Washington in D.C.
Pepperdine in Malibu, CA
University of Denver
University of San Diego
Washington University in St. Louis

I would be truly honored to attend any of these schools. My dream schools are George Washington and Washington University, they're both ranked 20th in the nation. San Diego ranks third with Denver following close behind... Along with American. As for Pepperdine, who wouldn't like to live in Malibu? Their law school isn't too shabby either! ;) I have to apply to either ASU or UofA for my nesting purposes. I'm leaning more toward ASU.

The hard part is going to be trying to decide which applications to do first. I've got my resumé done. My personal statement should be done by the end of next week. Then I'll give both those things to my "recommenders," Melissa Fitch (Dean of Undergrad for Spanish Dept.) and Michelle Hernandez (former Anytown Director). They'll get about 2 weeks to write their letters and in the meantime I'll do applications. I figure I'll be able to send out applications right before Thanksgiving. Sounds good to me!

So, yay! Applcations! (boo)

As for HALLOWEEEEN, I'm not doing jack shit tonight except for making the tank tops for mine and Keren's costumes. We're going to be indians and Emily is going to be the cowboy that shot us. I know, I know, it's not politically correct. But it's true! If we truly DO offend anyone, we'll wipe off our wounds and simply be a cowboy and indians. Anyway, we got a chuckle out of it.

Keren and I are wearing jeans and moccasins. We're wearing sequined headbands (tradional, I know) with a big white feather with black tip attached. Our tank tops are brown and will have an assortment of teal leather, feathers, and beads. I'll definitely put a picture up after halloween is over. We'll be spending Saturday night at Ghost Ball at Axis-Radius and Suede in Scottsdale. http://www.axis-radius.com/halloween/index.html

Along the lines of cowboy, did I say I'm going to be on Nick @ Nite? Last Monday and Tuesday I got paid $500 to be their logo (a big blue circle, I wore blue tights, white shoes, and white gloves). No, you couldn't see my face. But I have a picture of me, I'll post it soon too. Anyway, the show will be airing on Nov 11th and Nov 18th, obviously during Nick @ Nite. Monday we were filming at a ranch in Wickenburg and Tuesday we were at a skate park here in Phoenix. I made a phat connection too. Last week was a good week!

I'm also looking into buying a pair of cowboy boots. I think they'll be a good investment considering I live in AZ where all we have are tumble weeds and horses. ;)

So, that about sums things up. I may be transferring jobs soon. Hopefully. I'm trying not to count my chickens before they hatch.

Have a fun halloween! Don't forget to put up pictures of your adventures!

(You can also see a couple pics from Disneyland on my MySpace photos.)

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 22:38:58 GMT

So about a week ago, my boss tells me that he's sorry he hasn't been at work lately and that he hasn't been doing much. He tells me that things have been rough with his lady and things in general. He tells me how he used to work so hard before I was around and how there's no excuse for him not to work as hard now. He tells me that he's going to start working as hard as he used to.

Where is he now?

At the movies. With someone... probably not his girlfriend. Whatever. But... why should I trust him when he just cheated on his girlfriend awhile back... several times... with the same girl both times? Whatever.

Know what, lazy butt? I'm one of the smartest people in this office. 3rd behind the owner and the manager. People come to me to ask questions. I've only been in this business for 4 months now. I could stop being your assistant and take all the money you're making. But I'm not. Know why? Because you wouldn't be able to handle it. And I don't think I could handle any more whining than you already do.

So listen up, thanks for letting me go early on Thursday last week so I could study for the LSAT. Thanks for the fatty gift certificate to Nordy's. Thanks for making empty promises about paying for manicures, pedicures, and yoga under your "Corporate Wellness Program"... Well, I guess to be fair, I haven't held you to it, but I will.

But really, the kind of appreciate I need isn't money. I mean, I like the money... A LOT... but I NEED you to be here.

That way you can be in the loop. That way you don't feel left out of what's going on with our clients. That way you won't get angry when I have to remind you a billion times to do something... because if you're here, you'll know what to do and will just do it.

To be fair, when you start your own business and break away from our current company, there's no way in hell I'm going. I mean, why would I? I'd do more work than you. I'd be more friendly and client producing than you... and I get paid a whole lot less than you.

I don't think I should sit around and wait for you to screw me... You've been known to do that to people. So, try not to be offended when I decline to go with you.

But that's the future and I've got a fish bigger than you to fry... LAW SCHOOL. So, dude, just be here more? Ok? Things wouldn't be so complicated if you were.

Side note::

THE LSAT IS OVER, PRAISE MARY!

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 19:48:22 GMT

So, the LSAT is 2 weeks away. That's it, 2 weeks.

I know some people are thinking, "But Janette, you've been taking an LSAT course for the past 2 months or so, you're going to do just fine!"

Wrong.

In fact on this last test, I did worse than on the very first test I took. My score dropped more points that I had brought it up. I'm in the negatives for improvement.

Needless to say, I'm a little stressed out.

What ISN'T helping is that most people are like, "Oh, stop, don't worry, you'll do great." Yeah, I thought I would too, but at this point, I need to work my ass off because I can't even get into ASU.

Maybe in the grand scheme of my test results if I miss 2 hours of studying it won't make a big deal. But if I do terrible? What else do I have to blame than those two hours I did something else other than study?

This test almost determines what I will be able to do with the rest of my life. Stressful? I think so. I'm not one of those geniuses that can go through a test prep and think the test will be easy. I'm also not one of those geniuses that got a 4.0 or was involved with a billion things on their college campus. Let's face it, I have a lot weighing on this score.

What else am I stressed about?

How about this:
I don't know what I want to do with my life. Apparently, if you're applying for law school, you MUST have a pretty good idea... and I guess "I want to help people" isn't a very good idea.

What kind of professional goals do I have? Make a ton of money, no. Have 15 homes, no. Be able to help provide for my family, yes. Be happy to go to work almost everyday, yes.

Do I need to go to law school to do that? No.

And this is what almost EVERYONE keeps pointing out to me.

I'm sorry if I'm not as driven as the rest of you. I'm sorry if I don't become passionate about things. That's just me.

What's so stressful about all of this? Here's your answer: Why am I even trying to go to law school? What can I say in my personal statements that will make me seem worthwhile? What can my teachers say in letters of recommendations besides, "Janette was a good student, she did well in my class."?

I've got nothing but a handful of people who somehow think I'm smart even though I've done nothing to prove it. I've got nothing but a handful of people who think I'm a great person and will do great things.

None of those things will get me into law school.

I've got nothing.

I should just die. Then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. No applications. No future to worry about. No jobs to get or lose. No money problems. I wouldn't have to live in this world that is REALLY FUCKING UGLY right now... where I can't do anything to change it.

Maybe I'll just disappear for awhile. Save some money and just go. Not tell anyone where I am or where I'm going. Just send them a little note from random places so they know I'm alive.

That or the Peace Corps. I'll look into that now.

I think maybe what I need is to be alone.

So don't be too surprised if I'm not around after the beginning of December. Also, don't be surprised if I make it through all of this and end up being everything everyone wants me to be.

You don't say...

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 17:02:32 GMT

You are a
Social Liberal
(61% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(30% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Oh weekend...

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 18:24:41 GMT

So, this weekend was fun, but WAAAY too short. Way.

On Friday... uh... Oh, Raymond and I went to dinner at El Paso where I had delicious chicken friend steak and mashed potatoes... we were both grumpy, so then we went home. You'd think that we'd be excited to see each other because Raymond had been gone for a few days, but our grumpiness overwhelmed us... as it has been prone to lately.

Sadly.

Satuday morning I had my 2nd practice LSAT. It was ok... By ok I mean that on one side of us we had this huge group of people arguing for the first half, then they left... and for the second part of the test there was this huge group of people preaching RIDICULOUSLY loud. I mean, yeah, take the shackles off your feet so you can dance, but can you do it a little quieter?

Luckily the teacher had prepped us a few days before by saying that most people score worse... my overall LSAT score went up, but damn, I did so much worse. I killed the reading comprehension sections the first time around and this time... no. They effectively killed me. But the good news is that I did substantially better on the logic games section. Looks like Janette is going to have to practice reading!

After the test I went home and got ready for my brother's 21st birthday party. The party was so fun. I really love sitting around with my family talking about stuff and laughing at each other. I'm talking about my dad's side of the family, of course... My mom's parents LITERALLY bolted out the door a few hours into the party. Good riddance, I say. Us "kids" spent most of the time playing poker. It was pretty fun. Boring, but fun. Weird how it was both. Maybe I just don't play games well?

Then after all the people had left, Raymond and I drove out to Casey Moore's to meet up with my brother and his friends for my brother's power 2 hours. We got there... I bought him the most delicious shot ever, the birthday cake (no cream, no milk) and he takes half of it standing outside the bathroom door because he's going to throw up. I'm like, can't you throw up, then take the shot? No, he gulps some of it and promptly runs into the bathroom and throws up... so LOUD that you can hear him outside the bathroom with the door closed and in the ladies' room. Anyway, I gave the rest of it to his two friends, and they enjoyed it. SUCH A LONG NIGHT. I ended up playing chauffer and we didn't get back to Raymond's until like 4.

Yesterday Raymond and I went to the mall. It was good. Took some jeans to Nordstrom's to have hemmed... looked at suit jackets for me (weird) and ate some pretzle bits. Yum. While we were sitting there, munching away, staring at the people walking by, this old lady comes up to Raymond and says, "I'm French. Is she your fiancé? (Pointing at me) Your girlfriend?" Raymond, with a smile, "Uhh... My girlfriend..." The old lady, "She's wearing red!" At this point I think she's going to call me the devil or a hussy, but instead she smiles really big and says, "Wearing red means you're sexy! She's sexy!" And then, with a triumphant look on her face, strolls away.

How awesome. Who does that?

I want to be an old lady that does that! Aww... Raymond and I will do our "old people" walk around the mall, Raymond with his hands behind his back and me telling people wearing red that they're sexy. Sounds like fun to me!

After that we just went home, sat around for a bit, then headed over to Raymond's parents' house for dinner. It was delicious. We spent after dinner looking at Raymond's baby pictures (SOOOO CUTE!!) and then listening to him play the piano. Sweet Jesus, I have the hottest boyfriend on the planet. How can I let myself be grumpy with him? He's so wonderful. Like, if other things are stressful, shouldn't I try to be happy around him? Enjoy that we get to spend some time together? YES!

New resolutions:

Work like a mofo on practicing for the LSAT, but don't let it get me down.
Love Raymond as hard as I can.
Be less grumpy.

The end.

Mama mia

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 22:35:14 GMT

Funny how things can strike you out of nowhere.

I'm sitting in my LSAT class and we're talking about weakening questions (don't ask), when suddenly I think of my mom.

I think of how she must have been SO excited to have a daughter. She loves me so very much; although over the years, the way she shows it has changed.

When I was little, she'd make me shirts, buy us matching outfits, matching jewelry.

Then something happened. I can't tell you what or when or at what age. I started to not like my mom. She wasn't any more or less strict than my dad... or more or less generous. She just rubbed me wrong. In fact, I once old her that she wasn't my favorite.

I think now her excitement over having a son and daughter has returned. She's one of our greatest advocates and allies... both in life and against my dad (when necessary.)

Maybe I was just too little to truly appreciate her personality quirks. Well, I'm not sure that I'd call annoying-the-hell-out-of-me a personality trait, but whatever. In any case, it's weird to me how sitting in class with a bunch of strangers, save Keren, I was struck by how much I love my mom.

She's great. She and my dad are great together. Now I understand why they picked each other. It makes me understand a little better why I chose Raymond. Why we chose each other.

So weird how things can come out of the blue like that.

So thankful how things can come out of the blue like that.